Dear Bill and/or Melinda

I heard the news and God only knows if this will reach you, but, while I am sorry for you both, what an awesome thing this could be for us. By “us” I mean me and you, Melinda. Or Bill. I don’t judge and don’t have preferences in almost anything, so am easy to get along with most of the time—although no one is perfect.

Also, I don’t even want to broach money at this point in our relationship. By “relationship” I mean me reaching out to either of you for what I think could be something really honest and meaningful. So let’s take the whole money thing off the table. Shoo. It’s gone.

You’ll see from the enclosed photos that I love dressing up as famous historical figures right after they died, but also making a funny face. That first one is Tsar Nicholas II, and the face I’m making there is, like, Hey you! It’s fun, and it’s something we could do together that doesn’t involve screens. And don’t worry about the cost. I own the costumes. Again, I don’t want money to get in the way of what we could have together.

Melinda: How weird is this for a connection? I read that your birthday is August 17th. That’s insane. Mine is May 9th. It’s like it’s meant to be or something, right?

Bill: I saw that you read fifty books a year. Were we separated at birth? Because I read a ton, too. I’m reading “The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich” for, like, the fourth time. Have you read it? We should talk about it. Would you want to go camping? I hate camping but would go if you wanted to. No pressure. (Again, this would be on me. The camping fees, I mean. Maybe we could split the food and beer?)

As far as not talking about money, I get where you both are. It’s too soon after the announcement for us three to discuss it. Also, as someone who most likely would have gotten divorced if anyone had agreed to marry me, I feel your pain. While not financially independent, I do have $1,218 in my Chase checking account, as of this minute, though a check to Spectrum has yet to clear. (Can you believe how much even basic cable costs?) That does not include a thousand dollars of overdraft protection. Which is a must.

A little about me. I’m self-employed as a freelance poet. I love the indoors. At night, when I close my eyes, I sometimes think, Are there bees on my face? But there aren’t.

I have been taking some time off because work and life and the demands I was putting on myself were causing me a lot of stress. Waking up, getting out of bed, making coffee. It’s too much sometimes. So I started breathing more. I found that I was holding my breath a lot. Underwater. Which is both good and bad, especially if you pass out and get thrown out of your local Y because the manager is an asshole.

I’m a vegan. I hope that’s O.K. But I don’t care if you eat meat or fish or dairy. I’m not super strict about it. I eat meat sometimes. Meat vegans—it’s a thing. It’s how vegans stay healthy. You’re still a vegan, you just eat meat. And chicken. Chicken doesn’t count. If there’s lettuce on the sandwich, it’s a vegan meal. Like a Chick-fil-A Grilled Chicken Club has lettuce and tomato. Also chicken, bacon, and cheese. And, frankly, that’s what makes it so good but also still a vegan lunch.

I would describe myself as easygoing. I’m from Boston, which is known as a pretty laid-back place, except for the people. As I said, I’ve never been married, but I’ve been close. Close to other people who got married, I mean. I was at my ex-girlfriend’s wedding. But they caught me and asked me to leave. What I saw of it was lovely, though.

I love coffee. Do you ever find, while you’re in line at Dunkin, that you’re crying and you’re not sure why? I believe that’s common, like thinking there are bees on your face at night.

Microsoft did well, didn’t it? Did you know Steve Jobs while you were there, or is Apple a different company? I like Apple.

Since you ask, who doesn’t want to not worry about money? I don’t worry all the time. Mostly at night. Or if I’ve been drinking. Whatever. This isn’t about money or my drinking, you guys, so let’s not bring it up! I’m laughing!

I see that you’ve both given away a lot of money. I’m the same. I don’t even think about money for my own sake. If I have it, I give it away. Most of it. I mean, I buy things. I’m not Mother Teresa. (Who, I read, loved vintage watches and owned, like, three Rolex Explorers—who’s the saint now? I’m pretty sure I read that. Though, come to think of it, that might have been John Mayer. Do you like music? I do.)

I don’t want to rush things with either of you. I just want to say: I’m here, I’m ready, I’m open and vulnerable and a man who wants to love another man or another woman and just be. Money, no money, whatever. Write back soon.